One of the really challenging things about being a student who aspires to excellent academic performance is figuring out how to live a good life at the same time.
I frequently find myself torn between the demands of friendship and school demands. Frankly, I can see why a 'C' is average because an average student may have plenty of smarts, but make different decisions than I do.
When friends invite me out several nights of the week (literally), I constantly get grief for turning down their invitations because I have homework to do, tests to study for, reading to do, papers to write, and so on. They can't understand why I'd give up so much FUN for dry, boring, school. They don't understand why an 'A' matters so much to me. They know as well as I do that I could go out with them every night they call and still get at least C's in all my classes, and they don't see what's so bad about C's. To them, C's get degrees. And degrees get real jobs, and real jobs is the only point of college.
I get it. That simplistic logic makes sense on a certain level.
What they don't understand is that where most people consider themselves masters of certain domains like sports (particularly common among the average American male), I consider myself master of the learning/intellectual domain. I'm less confident and assured when it comes to social matters, though I do well enough there most of the time to be satisfied.
Long story short: I continue to struggle to find a satisfactory balance between my studies and my friendships. If my friends had their way I'd drink 3-4 nights a week (at a minimum), stay up late virtually every night, and have a ton of fun doing all of the above. I'm flattered they like having me around as much as they apparently do (based on how often I'm invited out), and I know they mean nothing malicious or scheming by requesting so much of my time and razzing me for all the time I spend on my studies.
That said, I think part of the disconnect between my priorities in life and their priorities in life can be directly attributed to the difference in our ages. I'm a thirty-year old who's finally going to college; they are between 19-23 and either just starting out in college, not yet in college, or nearly done with college. For them they're in their party stage. They want to drink a lot, pursue girls like it's open season, and basically shirk as much responsibility as they can get away with.
I think that's healthy.
But I've already filled my quota of years spent doing those things. At thirty if I don't start getting serious--in some ways--about making myself the kind of adult I want to be then I'll wake up at 50 years old manning a cash register at a 7/11 or Town Pump. Or, more realistically, I'd just end up terminally being a line guy at the Jetcenter.
I refuse to be one of those thirty-year olds who can't relinquish their desperate grasp on youth. Instead, I choose to accept with grace my aging and adulthood. Some day, hopefully not too long in the future, I will be a father. I want to ensure that I'm a good father and a good husband--someone who both my wife and children can rely on, respect, and admire.
So, I'm sorry my friends (if any of you should ever happen to read this), that I can't spend more time with you. Rest assured I'd love to spend every night with you guys, hanging out, drinking beer, playing poker, and making each other laugh till our stomachs hurt and we have tears in our eyes. I'd love to. Realize how much discipline and restraint I have to marshall within myself to turn down all that fun, and instead to choose to study, or go to bed early.
I simply can't make that choice very often. I have to start making the choices that a father, a husband, a man (the kind I want to be) would make. Because, once I'm a father, and a husband, and in a REAL job, it'll be time to perform those roles, not time to just start trying to be those ways. Unless I start growing into those ideas now, I won't be ready for them when the time comes. As my own father was always quick to remind me, "when the time to perform has come, the time to prepare has past." Write that down.
I appreciate how understanding my friends are, by and large. Sometimes their patience wears thin, and who knows: they might eventually get tired of calling me and eventually stop. I had to face that possibility when I decided to do college, and when I established specific goals for my college experience.
When I set out to "do" college, I decided that school was my #1 priority. No matter what, I would continue in school even if faced with a choice between school and work, friends and school, family and school. School, school, school. That is the only way I can assure I get through it. Every time before that I've tried school, I've dropped out because I allowed other conflicts to break down my commitment--I allowed work pressures to separate me from school demands, or friend pressures to infringe on my studying and ability to get to bed at a decent hour and wake up for class.
When I entered college this time, I acknowledged what caused me problems in the past (relative to school) and make strict decisions about how this time would be different. Then I committed to those decisions. I've stuck to that commitment.
Yes, I realize it doesn't make me as good of a friend as I'd like to be; Yes, I know it makes me unpopular at work (being unwilling to work as much as my boss would like me to); Yes, it means that even when I am around I'm distracted, and potentially moody or exhausted.
Those are the unfortunate side effects of being a good student. It's the only way I know how to get through college. I have to study a lot for the grades I get. Plus, I don't like spending all my free time in bars drinking and wasting money. I enjoy spending time with my friends, but don't like that most of my friends socialize in bars (expensive, time intensive, and unhealthy).
My friends and I need to start meeting for lunch, playing raquetball, or going hiking or running or something. Something healthy, social, and where we're ourselves--not influenced by booze. Maybe I will join that martial arts class with Julie--social and active. Check, check.
I wrote this entry because half the time I feel stressed--like I'm going to lose my friends if I don't spend more time with them, but equally aware that if I spend more time with my friends my grades will be impacted (an significantly). It's just stressful, and frustrating trying to make them understand that I don't want to spend all my time hanging out with them in a bar, hanging out with them late at night (in part because I'm old and like to be in bed before too late at night, and in part because I have class early), and drinking. It's challenging to get them to understand that I really do WANT to hang out with them, but I just can't/shouldn't. They don't understand half the time and either razz me to my face, or just say something to the effect "alright man, I'll talk to you later" and when I call them on it say "oh, I'm not mad, I've just got to get going." Uh huh. Horseshit.
I suppose what I have to realize is that I can only do so much. As long as I'm doing what I can then that's just all that I can do. If it's not enough--either in getting good enough grades, retaining my friends, or keeping a job (potentially), then it's simply not enough and life moves on. There will be new friends, better/different grades, and new/different jobs...which is not to say that I think any of my friends will ditch me, or that I'll get bad grades, or that I'll lose this job and have to find another. All I'm saying is that as long as I'm doing what I can, I shouldn't stress or worry too much about the rest.
I frequently find myself torn between the demands of friendship and school demands. Frankly, I can see why a 'C' is average because an average student may have plenty of smarts, but make different decisions than I do.
When friends invite me out several nights of the week (literally), I constantly get grief for turning down their invitations because I have homework to do, tests to study for, reading to do, papers to write, and so on. They can't understand why I'd give up so much FUN for dry, boring, school. They don't understand why an 'A' matters so much to me. They know as well as I do that I could go out with them every night they call and still get at least C's in all my classes, and they don't see what's so bad about C's. To them, C's get degrees. And degrees get real jobs, and real jobs is the only point of college.
I get it. That simplistic logic makes sense on a certain level.
What they don't understand is that where most people consider themselves masters of certain domains like sports (particularly common among the average American male), I consider myself master of the learning/intellectual domain. I'm less confident and assured when it comes to social matters, though I do well enough there most of the time to be satisfied.
Long story short: I continue to struggle to find a satisfactory balance between my studies and my friendships. If my friends had their way I'd drink 3-4 nights a week (at a minimum), stay up late virtually every night, and have a ton of fun doing all of the above. I'm flattered they like having me around as much as they apparently do (based on how often I'm invited out), and I know they mean nothing malicious or scheming by requesting so much of my time and razzing me for all the time I spend on my studies.
That said, I think part of the disconnect between my priorities in life and their priorities in life can be directly attributed to the difference in our ages. I'm a thirty-year old who's finally going to college; they are between 19-23 and either just starting out in college, not yet in college, or nearly done with college. For them they're in their party stage. They want to drink a lot, pursue girls like it's open season, and basically shirk as much responsibility as they can get away with.
I think that's healthy.
But I've already filled my quota of years spent doing those things. At thirty if I don't start getting serious--in some ways--about making myself the kind of adult I want to be then I'll wake up at 50 years old manning a cash register at a 7/11 or Town Pump. Or, more realistically, I'd just end up terminally being a line guy at the Jetcenter.
I refuse to be one of those thirty-year olds who can't relinquish their desperate grasp on youth. Instead, I choose to accept with grace my aging and adulthood. Some day, hopefully not too long in the future, I will be a father. I want to ensure that I'm a good father and a good husband--someone who both my wife and children can rely on, respect, and admire.
So, I'm sorry my friends (if any of you should ever happen to read this), that I can't spend more time with you. Rest assured I'd love to spend every night with you guys, hanging out, drinking beer, playing poker, and making each other laugh till our stomachs hurt and we have tears in our eyes. I'd love to. Realize how much discipline and restraint I have to marshall within myself to turn down all that fun, and instead to choose to study, or go to bed early.
I simply can't make that choice very often. I have to start making the choices that a father, a husband, a man (the kind I want to be) would make. Because, once I'm a father, and a husband, and in a REAL job, it'll be time to perform those roles, not time to just start trying to be those ways. Unless I start growing into those ideas now, I won't be ready for them when the time comes. As my own father was always quick to remind me, "when the time to perform has come, the time to prepare has past." Write that down.
I appreciate how understanding my friends are, by and large. Sometimes their patience wears thin, and who knows: they might eventually get tired of calling me and eventually stop. I had to face that possibility when I decided to do college, and when I established specific goals for my college experience.
When I set out to "do" college, I decided that school was my #1 priority. No matter what, I would continue in school even if faced with a choice between school and work, friends and school, family and school. School, school, school. That is the only way I can assure I get through it. Every time before that I've tried school, I've dropped out because I allowed other conflicts to break down my commitment--I allowed work pressures to separate me from school demands, or friend pressures to infringe on my studying and ability to get to bed at a decent hour and wake up for class.
When I entered college this time, I acknowledged what caused me problems in the past (relative to school) and make strict decisions about how this time would be different. Then I committed to those decisions. I've stuck to that commitment.
Yes, I realize it doesn't make me as good of a friend as I'd like to be; Yes, I know it makes me unpopular at work (being unwilling to work as much as my boss would like me to); Yes, it means that even when I am around I'm distracted, and potentially moody or exhausted.
Those are the unfortunate side effects of being a good student. It's the only way I know how to get through college. I have to study a lot for the grades I get. Plus, I don't like spending all my free time in bars drinking and wasting money. I enjoy spending time with my friends, but don't like that most of my friends socialize in bars (expensive, time intensive, and unhealthy).
My friends and I need to start meeting for lunch, playing raquetball, or going hiking or running or something. Something healthy, social, and where we're ourselves--not influenced by booze. Maybe I will join that martial arts class with Julie--social and active. Check, check.
I wrote this entry because half the time I feel stressed--like I'm going to lose my friends if I don't spend more time with them, but equally aware that if I spend more time with my friends my grades will be impacted (an significantly). It's just stressful, and frustrating trying to make them understand that I don't want to spend all my time hanging out with them in a bar, hanging out with them late at night (in part because I'm old and like to be in bed before too late at night, and in part because I have class early), and drinking. It's challenging to get them to understand that I really do WANT to hang out with them, but I just can't/shouldn't. They don't understand half the time and either razz me to my face, or just say something to the effect "alright man, I'll talk to you later" and when I call them on it say "oh, I'm not mad, I've just got to get going." Uh huh. Horseshit.
I suppose what I have to realize is that I can only do so much. As long as I'm doing what I can then that's just all that I can do. If it's not enough--either in getting good enough grades, retaining my friends, or keeping a job (potentially), then it's simply not enough and life moves on. There will be new friends, better/different grades, and new/different jobs...which is not to say that I think any of my friends will ditch me, or that I'll get bad grades, or that I'll lose this job and have to find another. All I'm saying is that as long as I'm doing what I can, I shouldn't stress or worry too much about the rest.
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